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Well today was a horrible day, I had to go put my 2 year old cat to sleep because vets are greedy mother fuckers who cant treat my cat and get paid 2 days later by check.... so instead i had to fucking pay $70 of my SSD money, im broke af now. And my cat is gone... and im not happy about this at all.
Tell me what I did wrong
I only wanted a little love
Clingy and I black out

You told me what I said

I never mean't to hurt you
I was only try to escape myself
I am so tired of my head
I wish it would just die
I can ever escape
This endless pain
Inside of me
I feel endless emotions
It's never peaceful

I can feel my skin crawl
And I push you away
I am not worth of your love
I am worthless and im a no body

You could pick so many others
Why did you pick me?
I am such a fuck up
I am ugly and useless

Ashamed, self hatred abides 
Nightmares consume me
And I toss and turn

Awake in sweat
Alone and cold

And im finding it harder
Just to take care of myself
You want me to smile
And I just want to cry

Can't you see...
I am this broken soul
And I don't know if I can be fixed

I've tried so many things
But fear gets in the way
I bite my lip as I cry
And the blood seeps through the cracks
Of my aging skin

I look at all my old scars
And I know most of the stories
Oh and I can't seem
To run away from my past

I think I am past it
And all of a sudden
It's haunting me

I scream on the floor
Just leave me alone
You beg me to let it go
But I fear, But I fear

Who am I without with fear?
Who am I without this hurt?
Who am i?

Who are you?
To love someone like me?
You don't even know me
When I don't know me..

I look in the mirror and I see so many lies
She tells me im ugly
She tells im not attractive
Self destructive
I always abide

You are better off with someone else
No matter what I say you stay
No matter what you stay by my side

How do I abide to you
When no matter what...
I abide to this other half of me
That I honor with respect
For feeling the way she feels...
o.o anyone out there remember me?, I have um come back to this account, ^^
My laptop went to poop, got a new laptop and I couldn't remember my fucking login to save my life. WELL I FIGURED IT OUT. Haha I will be back posting things now I hope some of you missed me if so please send me a loving comment!.
(Breathe life into me)
(Breathe life into me)
(Breathe life into me)

I've been lost for so long
Could you help me find my way
I'm weakening 
Becoming less of me

I've become one with the rain
Can't escape in between
Mud packed in my skin

Oh, I've been crawling for so long
On my knees
Could you help me find my way
On my knees
Pray for me

(Breathe life into me)
(Breathe life into me)
(Breathe life into me)

Trembling hands
Reaching for the sky
Tell me if you are god
Are you the light that shines in the sky
That escape between the clouds

I lay down in it's path and I wonder skeleton....

(Breathe life into me)
(Breathe life into me)
(Breathe life into me)
I am really not ignoring anyone on here. I haven't gone through all of the comments. I am having a really rough 2 months and last 2 weeks been bad and it's taking a toll. I am not very open unless talked to on here but it's mainly my depression, anxiety, panic attacks and my border line personality disorder kicking in. I been having major money issues because I need to buy winter clothing and its taking a toll on my only income once a month. I wish I knew people who could be my size and donate some cute long sleeves and jeans. But im left to fend to buy on my own. I also have my pets to take care of which is hard when depressed. I been loosing track of time. I'm sorry guys dont be offended if I don't write back till days or even weeks. I will reframe from posting anything else for awhile till it passes.....unless I get a great shot of me.... next month haircut and dye!
I decided to not take pictures of myself in till I get a hair cut and dye my hair. Which will be soon maybe next week. 
Let me taste your lips
I can't feel my legs
Hold me im falling

Can you tell im a mime
Painted smile
It's all a lie

I can feel you close to me
My skin begging
My tongue twirling with yours

You taste poison
I can't stop

No, don't stop me
No, don't stop me
I can't get enough
Junkie in disguise

Can you tell im a mime
Painted smile
It's all a lie

I can hear laughter in my head'
World spinning all around us
I can't let go
No I can't let you go

Junkie in disguise 
I can't get enough
I can feel my heart beating faster
I can't catch my breathe
Hold me close
As I

Catch my last breath
I'd like to inform everyone my kitten Moon has passed away around 7am this morning. I am mourning badly and very depressed. I wont be responding to message till I feel like it. Nothing personal but im shut down. I did ton of work to get her meds and I was to late...
Anyone here who are fans or new fans play secondlife?, if so leave a comment and I'll add you on there :D
Just wanted to say hello to my fans or anyone whos reading this know I care :)
Hey fans, my birthday is tomorrow, drop me some comments!, im going to be 25. I already started my birthday today by getting starbucks and cheese cake and a horse hat by my mom :D. Tomorrow im going to ride Ozzy and eat birthday cake and open 2 presents.
  • Listening to: nature
  • Reading: my thoughts
  • Watching: laptop
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: sandwich
  • Drinking: starbucks
I feel myself spinning
Circles, circles, circles

I can hear the car crash
Sirens in distance

As the rain falls
I hold my hands together
Collecting water
Watching it over pour from my finger tips

I wear this mask
You are all fooled

My clothes stained in blood
This blood that runs with the rain
Down my arms

Knees in the mud
I can't escape

I feel myself spinning
Circles, circles, circles

My arms collapse 
My fingers gripping the mud
Should I go or should I stay?

I stare through the rain
Eyes in a daze
Illusions of him
Tormenting me
With a grin across his lips
A laughter bringing chills through my broken body

He took part of me
And I can't get it back

My heart bleeds for life
Beating so slowly

Please give me the key
To the box which holds the key

Tisk tisk his finger waves
And there he goes

I feel myself spinning
Circles, circles, circles

And hes in my head
And hes never going away

Circles, circles, circles
He takes me again
And he wont ever go away
I feel myself reaching out
For any piece of me
Fingers can't grasp the truth
And my soul is fading
As I make myself down this path
Over and over
I fall down

On my knees
Is this forever?
Or am I mean't to shine?
Cause I see no escape
From this misery

Mascara streak stains
Dull lifeless eyes

These walls are closing in on me
I try to push as I scream
But no one can hear

Mute to the lips
Crawled up in a ball
As I wait for a stray of light
Go ahead and
Rip my heart from my chest
Let the blood pour
Till it has no beat left

A gaping hole in my chest
Pale lips, tremble
As my knees hit the ground

I grasp for air
Stop making me wait
Down on my knees
I am begging for you
And can I stay away from sin
You're the hunter and im the prey

So come on
Come get me
So come on
Come get me

These walls are slowly caving in
Words bleeding down the walls
My finger tips bloody
Splintered and sore

Stop making me wait
Down on my knees
I am begging for you
And can I stay away from sin
You're the hunter and im the prey

So come on
Come get me
So come on
Come get me

Cause im waiting like a stalker to it's prey
Tell me who's the first to start this path
Cause my heart is conflicted

Tempted but you make me nervous
Will you give me what I need
Or will it be like every other memory

Already am damaged
I tried so hard to leave my old ways
But you sparked something in me
I can't ignore
ignite me 
Make this flame burn in desires

Stop making me wait
Down on my knees
I am begging for you
And can I stay away from sin
You're the hunter and im the prey

So come on
Dont make me wait
Come get me'
Dont make me wait
So come on
Dont make me wait
Come get me

Please don't make me....
The light shines through the bars of her imprisoned heart
Each chamber holds her pieces
Laying in the middle is just a broken angel
Feathers scattered like tears
Bloody finger prints paint the room
All her glory and faith stripped
She hides in the shadows
When alone she plays with the light
Her hands playing with the shadows
They pluck her wings
And bruise her body
The shadows hide her body
They protect her from the harm
Will the light ever save her?
She can't understand
How they think shes beautiful
When the mirror speaks differently

Bleed out all of your pain
It will be alright in the end
When angels dance around in heaven

She walks aimlessly
Watching others
Who are friends

She sits alone
Staring into a dreamless land
Where the sun never rises
And the moon never shines

A helping hand
She can never depend on
How can she trust anyone
When she can't trust herself

Fetal position
In an empty room
Her body lays aimlessly
Damped by blood that lays beneath her
Her eyes lifeless
With stains of tears
She cried till her last breathe

Empty bottle lays at her finger tips
Angels release her pain
I breathe in the air
But it suffocates my lungs
Grim at my finger tips
Nothing but nightmares
Inside my mind

Living behind a wall
Alone I will fall

I can't hear anything
Around me
Nothing but stillness
And a clouded sun
The clouds stand lifeless
And the night reflects my aching soul

I adapted by lifelessness
Only to feel my heart aching
Something for a change
To stop hiding

But I stand behind this wall
And I fall to isolation

Wondering when I'd ever see
My reflection again
She said
Take my hand
And lead me
To a fairyland