WistfulDesigns

I try to decompress, but my just won't rest, I can find the escape, the exit sign. There's no glow in the distance, hands grasping in the dark, will you find me god?, cause I'm so lost, and love is putrid, I can taste it on my tongue, the decay of my heart, who am i?, who am i?, why am i searching for happiness he won't let me find, he has a grasp in my hand, pulling me into some, and when I scream, he silences my echoes, oh god these chains of burden have become so hard to fight, will you be ashamed of me if I danced to the devils words, this world is spinning around me, wondering though do I even matter, I need a sign, oh god. Oh god, I can't see the exit sign, no sign of light in this forsaken world of mine.

Anyone want to donate to my paypal for my birthday so I could maybe go out to eat or buy myself breakfast...nothing is really going on for my birthday ..... 

Wistfultragedy@gmail.com is my paypal

Should I download my tablet and start doing horse manipulations again?, would you guys like to see that work again?

And...

Do you guys want more of my secondlife avatar work?

I feel you inside of me
I am not myself
You are looking through my eyes
And controlling what I say

Going to make everyone hate me
Cause you say, you say

Everyone thinks you are a burden
And everyone hates you
As you hate yourself
And I hate you

Do yourself a favor
And just die
You may be remembered
But the burden is taken off
The shoulders of these people

Won't have to worry
Oh about how you act
on't have to worry anymore
About who you are next

Incapable of love
You need to push them all away
You're body is all these men need
Give yourself up
Cause the devil is within
Succumb to my sins
That slither from my mouth 

You don't need anyone
Cause when you are in need
I take them all away
Trip all you want
End up crying on the floor
Silently screaming to yourself
You better escape before you decide to let it all loose
Go ahead and take that scissor, you know you need it
Shread your skin of all the emotions you hide inside
Numb on the outside
But you are taken by me
I wont let you go

I wont let you, I wont let you go
You can dream of what you want to do
But I will hold you close
I will love you
The way no one else has

Cause you are my friend
You and me together from day one
And I can't let you go

You've written my name on your skin before
You've read about me
And the word sticks to you
worthless piece of shit

I can't take this shit anymore
Will you get the fuck away from me
You crawl in my skin
And it makes me want to scream
I lash out at others
As I try to escape
But you are always there
Lingering like a leech

I wonder how far in life I will ever get.. 

I am currently fighting to keep my medicaid, I need it for all my doctors, and medical transportation. I am currently screwed and hoping in a month or 2 with what I've been told to do, I will have medicaid back and my medical transportation. Somehow they moved my case and medicaid saw I make over $800 a month, I am on SSD.... ffs. I barely make it through atm on it. You expect me to fucking live on $800 a month. Long island NY?... no fucking way. My bills alone are over $800 a month (rent included), hopefully with the route im taking and if it gets started my income will come across as being below $800 and medicaid wont force me to pay $800 a month, cause if they do I will have to drop them and I have no idea what the fuck I will do to get a new therapist, doctor, psych...yet alone im currently getting a new one...TMS treatment alone i need BADLY...doctor...EVERYONE...

Fucking pray this all works out in 1 month not longer. I am beyond stressed the fuck out, and my therapist is on vacation and left and everything was fine till the next day and he has no idea. And the fact medicaid said they sent me a letter may 25th I never got, they need to extend my fucking insurance by a month, so all my doctors fucking get paid if im lucky maybe even my medical taxi...

I am having money issues beyond belief...and this TMS treatment I need I was hoping will get me better, now i don't know whats going to happen now...

I saw maybe a future of getting a part time job... but as of right now... im being fucked over due to my disability money that barely gets me by every month, because of bills. food being so much money now... etc... '


It's taking everything in me to not break down and loose it, and to keep myself calm. To not self harm. To not cry. I really can't right now. Everything started to look forward and then as always something has to come along like a tornado and destroy my fucking life....


I never catch a break ... and people probably wonder why I ask for money for certain things, im not fucking greedy im trying to make it through the fucking month and feel like a fucking failure asking. I should be somewhere in life by now at age of 26, almost 27 soon. All my high school friends, college, jobs, kids, a life...


Me... im a fucking suffering disabled mess...and life loves to fuck me in the fucking face. Over and over.